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Emigration No, no – surely not! My God – not more of those damned whores! Never have I known worse women.
On sighting the Lady Juliana of the
Second Fleet coming into Sydney Harbour with over two hundred female
convicts aboard, June 1790 This came in response to the following statement: If Her Majesty’s Government be really
desirous of seeing a well-conducted community spring up in these Colonies,
the social wants of the people must be considered. If the paternal
Government wish to entitle itself to that honoured appellation, it must look
to the materials it may send as a nucleus for the formation of a good
and great people. For all the clergy you can dispatch, all the
school-masters you can appoint, all the churches you can build, and all the
books you can export, will never do much good, without what a gentleman in
that Colony very appropriately called ‘God’s police’ – wives and
little children – good and virtuous women. -
CAROLINE CHISHOLM, Emigration and Transportation Relatively
Considered, 1847 In 1975, Anne Summers wrote a book that
fascinated me about the History of Women in Australia titled Damned
Whores and God’s Police: The Colonization of Women in Australia. This
book was published during the time period when the feminist movement was
laying down its roots and as a university student studying psychology and
sociology I was encouraged by the feminist messages that were beginning to
filter through the academic community. During my childhood and young adult years in
Australia, I was influenced by the social and cultural messages that placed
males in the position of dominance and women in the role of dependence. The
publication of this book brought me to an awareness of the historical and
sociological forces that brought about the assignment of these roles. The
message that women should give up their independence and fulfill the role of
the good wife and mother to be considered socially accepted was internalized
by women for many generations. In this paper I will outline the argument
made by Summers (1975) and relate it to the theory of Karen Horney. Horney
(1945 ) was an early feminist psychologist who challenged Freud’s
(1967/1909) position on the psychological development of women when she
argued that women envied the power and not the genitalia of the male. I will
further speak about the show Desperate Housewives and suggest that the
popularity of this show illustrates important points about the psychological
state of women in today’s cultural milieu. Summers (1975) argued that deep in the
Australian culture existed two images of women. One took the form of the
‘Damned Whore’. These were the women who were brought to the new society
to service the sexual needs of males who were expected to colonize the
country. The second was labeled ‘God’s Police’ and was assigned to
women who were to be the moral guardians of the community and mother to both
their husbands and children. Thus, this early differentiation of women along
stereotypical lines was internalized by the social and cultural fabric of
this new country. Summers (1975), further suggested that the family became
the institution within which these roles were played out and by which women
were controlled. This social control of women allowed men to take their much
desired freedom and to take on the role of dominance in what was to become a
patriarchal social structure. Women who adhered to their ‘God’s
Police’ role were those who did not, or more likely, could not due to the
internalization process see how they could resist their female socialization
to seek a male protector and remain faithful to his will while raising
children within the prescribed family institution. Those who took on the
role of the ‘Damned Whore’ included those who have or who were thought
to have, contravened the code of femininity or in some other way not
conducted themselves in accordance with the required role of women. Summers (1975) suggested that following the
second world war and the return to the prescribed gender roles, there was a
movement to suburbia. Many women hoped to fulfill their romantic fantasies
of the engagement ring, wedding days, house plans and interior design.
However, they did not anticipate that following a few years of marriage they
could feel isolated and marooned in a remote suburb with a couple of tiny
children whose constant demands left them feeling continually tired and
depressed (Summers, 1975). This, together with the absence of their husband
for long hours left them feeling cheated and deceived about the romance of
marriage and the rewards of motherhood. Thus, they experienced a
psychological disintegration as they lived with loneliness, overwork and
boredom while trying to fulfill their assigned role. To fall from this role
meant to be socially labeled and stigmatized as a ‘Damned Whore’. The
consequences of this stereotype had far reaching affects on both the
individual and the family. Summers (1975) suggested that the suburban
neurotic was born from this conflict leaving women feeling worthless, empty
and lacking in purpose. Horney (1945) proposed that neurotic needs
are developed through basic anxiety. This occurs when a child perceives the
parents to be neglectful. The result is the emergence of feelings of
helplessness and abandonment. Horney (1945) further suggested that feelings
of parental neglect caused the child to cope by taking on a defense in the
form of ‘basic hostility’. As the child moves away from this stage
of ‘basic hostility’ she learns that this is not helping to foster
relationships and experiences ‘basic anxiety’ as a consequence of
feelings of helplessness and the possibility of abandonment. According to
Horney (1945), neurotic needs lead to the adoption of a coping strategy in
the form of compliance, aggression or withdrawal. It appears that the women
of Australia referred to by Summers (1975) were pressured into adopting a
compliant personality to avoid the negative stereotype and social alienation
that would result from the label ‘Damned Whore’. Horney, (1945) further suggested that
individuals identify with three basic aspects of the self. These include the
‘real’, ‘ideal’ and ‘despised’ or ‘false’ self. The
‘real self’ is who we truly are and what we are capable of and that
which will make us feel satisfied and fulfilled. The ‘despised
self’ is identified as one's negative thoughts of oneself through
perceptions of what others think of us.
If a person thinks of the ‘despised self’ as everything one should not
be, then an internal representation is built comprising all we should be in
the form of the ‘ideal self’. This occurs at the expense of our ‘real
self’. Horney, (1945) spoke about the ‘tyranny of
the shoulds’, meaning the messages that the compliant personality gives to
the self. These take on the form of I should be sweet, I should be
saintly, I should be self-sacrificing. The ‘ideal self’ emergences
from the ‘tyranny of shoulds’ and is represented by perfection and
unrealistic standards. I believe that the ‘God’s Police’ image
assigned to women finds a parallel in the ‘ideal self’, whereas the
‘Damned Whore’ image can be equated to the ‘despised self’. Both of
these stereotypes have the potential to leave an individual feeling
unfulfilled in the form of the ‘real self’. Horney (1945) suggested that to defend
against neurotic anxiety resulting from identification with the ‘despised
self’, a person identifies with the ‘ideal self’. She further
suggested that having to compensate for feelings of weakness, inadequacy,
and low self-esteem causes the development of an idealized image of the self
and a search for perfection. This idealized image generates a pride system,
which consists of neurotic pride, neurotic claims, and tyrannical shoulds
(Paris, 2004). A compliant person exhibits neurotic claims by presenting
herself as sweet, saintly, and self sacrificing. The ‘God’s Police’
stereotype encouraged such personality development in women, whereas the
‘Damned Whores’ stereotype created basic anxiety and feelings of
abandonment for those who challenged the social and cultural expectations of
the role of women Consequently, those who deviated from the ideal of the
perfect wife and mother were forced to confront the unacceptable,
‘despised self’. Because the perception of self is influenced
by relationships with others, these stereotypes which were internalized by
the culture left women with little room for self-fulfillment in the form of
the ‘real self’. They faced a constant tension between living up to the
social expectations in the form of the ‘ideal self’ and the threat of
social alienation resulting from actions that deviated from those standards.
Horney (1945) argued that for a person to be psychologically healthy they
must be able to accept both their ‘despised’ and ‘ideal’ self.
Further, they need to be able to find a midpoint at which the ‘real
self’ becomes acceptable (Horney, 1945). When the social structure sets up
stereotypes that do not allow for such psychological freedom, neurotic
anxiety can be the result. This may explain the suburban neurosis referred
to by Summers (1975) when she spoke about the suburban women who experienced
anxiety when confronted with the erosion of their romantic fantasies. According to Horney (1945), when real and/or perceived abandonment occurs it is defended against by a compliant strategy resulting in the thought process if I can make you love me, you will not hurt me. This leaves the compliant personality needing to please others and be liked by them, to have someone to solve all of their problems and to present themselves as undemanding and satisfied with little. These social and psychological messages forced women to accept their dependent roles and to try even harder to live up to the unrealistic expectations placed on them by others.
I am now left asking myself why Desperate Housewives, the modern day version of the romantic image of the perfect wife and mother seems to have a parallel with the concept of the suburban neurotic referred to by Summers (1975). The word desperate is defined as “reckless from despair, violent and lawless, extremely dangerous, serious or bad” (Oxford, 1992, p.233). This show dominates the web with its chat rooms, downloads, pictures and storylines from each show.
The show is set in the perfect American
suburb in which the romantic ideal can be fulfilled by the women who live on
Wisteria Lane. These women are portrayed as sexually attractive, perfect
wives and mothers, an image that appears to have been incorporated into
their internal model of the ‘ideal self’ as the definition of success.
The viewer watches as they struggle to keep their deviations from the
‘ideal self’ a secret from the community. I am struck by the parallel
between this modern day version of the ‘God’s Police’ image described
by Summers (1975) when she referred to the suburban women of the seventies.
As the season begins, the character Mary
Alice is confronted with the possibility that her secret will be revealed.
Her inability to cope with such exposure causes her to take her own life
resulting in a scandal on Wisteria Lane. As the show unfolds, she begins to
reveal the secrets of the other housewives highlighting their struggle to
maintain their perfect family image in the face of psychological conflicts.
Bree is a deeply religious, white anglo-saxon protestant conservative who portrays herself as always in control. She presents as the perfect woman to the outside world while showing little emotion to her family or others. Bree’s ‘ideal self’ appears to hide an underlying ‘despised self’ as revealed to her sponsor when she tells him that she does not like herself. Underlying her compliant personality (Horney, 1945) is a character who the viewer watches struggling to find her ‘real self’ as she fights her addiction to alcohol and is warned by her sex addict sponsor that he is a danger to her psychological well being.
Lynette is the working mother who gives up
the role of homemaker to return to work. She struggles with the conflict
between her role as a career woman and fulfilling her responsibilities as a
wife and mother. When she does make an attempt to express her ‘real
self’ in her acknowledgement that she cannot fulfill her individual needs
by adhering to the messages of her ‘ideal self’, her decision to deviate
is portrayed as having been the cause of much turmoil and conflict within
the family. This may leave the viewer questioning the consequences of such a
decision for the wellbeing of the family and the threat of facing the
‘despised’ and unacceptable self. Suzy is the divorcee who slips into depression and dependency following her divorce from her husband. The viewer is lead to believe that not living up to the standards of the ‘ideal self’ by having a husband results in neurotic anxiety. Her dependency needs are redirected in her need for her daughter to take care of her. She appears to use reaction formation as a defense against her single, dating status by becoming the self righteous and sanctimonious single mother as she seeks social acceptance on Wisteria Lane. Thus, she continually struggles between her own and others’ expectations in the form of her ‘ideal self’ and the possibility of confronting her ‘despised self’ in the form of social alienation.
Gaby is a former model who has given up her
career to move to the suburbs to live her dream of being wealthy, her
‘ideal self’. She struggles to maintain her perfect image while living
with the secret of her affair with her teenage gardener. This leaves her
attempting to cope with her anxiety about the possibility of social exposure
and having to confront her unacceptable ‘despised self’. Edie portrays the serial divorcee who is always in search of a man to fulfill her needs. Her giving into her socially unacceptable ‘despised self’ results in her house being burned down. Thus, she pays the price for her noncompliance to the ‘ideal self’ as she faces the loss of her base on Wisteria Lane.
The social structure of this perfect, modern
day community expects these women to adhere to the unrealistic standards of
the perfect wife and mother in the form of the internalized ‘ideal
self’. These women become the Desperate Housewives as they confront the
possibility of their secret lives becoming public and the consequent social
alienation in the form of their ‘despised self’. This leaves them living
with the constant tension between their need to portray the image
internalized as the ‘ideal self’ and the avoidance of the unacceptable
image in the form of the ‘despised self’. Horney (1945) points out that
neurotic anxiety will result when an individual is unable to find the
midpoint in the form of the ‘real self’. Thus, leaving them as Desperate
Housewives. If fiction represents reality, the amount of
public interest in this show would cause me to wonder if many of the
shows’ viewers are living vicariously through these characters as they
identify with their struggle to express their ‘real self’. Thus raising
the question to what extent does fantasy represent reality in the year
2006? Are women of today still finding themselves caught between
their desire to fulfill the fantasy of the engagement ring, marriage,
children and the house in a wealthy, seemingly perfect suburb and their need
to express themselves in the form of the ‘real self’? Are they
finding themselves caught in the tension between the internalized social
expectations that result from the attainment of this fantasy and their need
to find a way to live their lives in harmony with their ‘real self’
without being forced to confront their internalized ‘despised self’?
References Della Thompson (Ed.) (1992). The Pocket Oxford Dictionary of Current English. (8th ed.). Clarendon Press, Oxford. Desperate Housewives. (2006). <http://www.Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia> Freud, S. (1967) Analysis of a phobia in a five-year-old boy. In J. Strachey (Ed. & Trans.), The standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud, Vol. 10. London: Hogarth Press. (Original work in published 1909). Horney, K (1945). Our inner conflicts: A
constructive theory of neurosis. New York: W.W. Norton. Paris, Bernard J. (2004). Karen Horney's Vision of Self. International Karen Horney Summers, Anne. (1975). Damned Whores and
God’s Police: The Colonization of Women in Australia. National Library
of Australia. Janice Walters is a tenured Assistant Professor in the Department of Social Science, Borough of Manhattan Community College where she teaches psychology. She has a Masters in School Psychology from City College, a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the Graduate Center, and a Diploma of Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy from Adelphi University.
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